Tom and Arnold Chronicles

  The Bill Always Wins! Tom and Arnold Chronicles!   [Scene: Kitchen. Tom opens the electric bill and groans. Arnold is calmly eating cereal.]     Tom: Arnold, explain to me why our electric bills never go down — even though we’ve got LED lights, energy-saving appliances, and we built an actual wind farm and solar array in the backyard?  Arnold: Because, Tom… the more we save, the more we use. It’s called the rebound effect.  Tom: So you're telling me... I saved power just so I could afford to run the blender 3 times a day?  Arnold: And the gaming PC. And the heated toilet seat. And whatever you’ve got charging in every outlet like you’re launching a space mission.  Tom: So… saving energy makes me spend more energy? Arnold: Basically. Welcome to economics — where efficiency is just a gateway to excess.  Tom: Well, I’m switching back to candles.  Arnold: Until you burn down the router and can’t stream your cooking tutorials.   ...

  Aliens Among Us   Tom: Arnold… be honest. You ever get the feeling… aliens are already here?  Like, walking among us?  Arnold: Tom, you thought the mailman was an alien because he wears the same socks every day. Tom: Who does that?! He’s clearly hiding something under those calves!  Arnold: Yeah — probably disappointment from talking to you every morning.  Tom: You're telling me in this infinite universe, we're the only intelligent life?  Arnold: I'm saying they observed our species… and chose to wait until we invent common sense.  Tom: haha, I am serious Arnold! I'm telling you, they're blending in. wearing cargo shorts… and doing yoga in the park like they belong here.  Arnold: Alright, busted. Now let me go blend in by overwatering my lawn like the rest of the humans. #aliens #tomandanrnoldchronices #storytime